I’m getting addicted to the shutter-clicky noise of the camera. It’s just so satisfying for some reason… Every click leads to a pretty pic. :]
Santa was super nice to me this year. ;) Besides the camera, I also received iPod speakers (!):
Godiva goodie bag (err, mug)
Breakfast this morning was light—another deconstructed banana hammock. This one was topped with peanut butter, cinnamon, the last of the raisin container, pepitas, and a dollop of whipped cream. Is it weird that for whipped cream, I only like fat-free Reddi-Whip? I find the “regular” and “heavy” versions too cloying and “buttery”-tasting, but the fat-free kind is light and sweet. Mmmmm. I eat that stuff straight from the can, no shame. ;)
Many of the blogs I’ve been reading up on lately have discussed topics pertaining to the lack of freedom around the holidays that one has (or should I say, does not have) when dealing with EDs or disordered eating. A couple of years ago, I was in this trap as well. Hell, my goal wasn’t even to enjoy the holiday, the break from school, and the wonderful company—it was to not get fat. Holiday feasting? Nada. DE thoughts were rampant:
Eat as little as possible, so in case everyone eats a big dessert, you’ll have “spare calories” (whatever the hell that means) for it.
Do jumping jacks every night to burn off all the calories from the “feast.” What? WHAT FEAST?!?!
I look back and I wonder how the hell I could have ever been so ridiculous. 1000 jumping jacks? Every night?! What kind of sane person does that?! I think about all of the times when I could have been socializing with family I hadn’t seen in months, or enjoying some delicious holiday cooking, when instead, I was worrying about my weight, my figure, and the damn calories in the food.
Last night, I was eating some TJ’s popcorn macadamia nut clusters (something like that), which are basically clumps of caramelized popcorn and macadamia nuts. It’s sweet, but it’s damn good. My cousin and I ate it while watching Spiderman. As I munched and crunched on the rich, buttery goodness, I thought about how just a couple of years ago, I would never have let myself even have a bite of the popcorn that late at night (it was around 11 PM). Not only would I have been scared that I was going to overeat, but I would have also thought that I was going to get fat overnight from eating it. Fat from a few measly pieces of (delicious) popcorn. How ridiculous! I would have pulled out the fat-free caramel popcorn that my mom also bought at TJ’s and maybe ate a few pieces of that, but last night, I was able to look at the fat-free crap, scoff at it (it tastes fake and gross), and stick my hand into the jar with the full-fat, yummy stuff.
In no way am I trying to make myself seem above all of those who are struggling with this. Rather, I offer my full support and sympathy, because I have been through this. I know what it’s like to have ED/DE shouting, and I know the sick feeling of being pleased by refusing food. I know the constant worrying about weight and calories, especially around the holidays, and I remember too clearly the fear foods. I am proud of all of the ladies who pushed through this and conquered their ED for the holidays this year, and said “screw you” by picking up a fear food and trying it. It honestly gets less scary the more you do it. Trust me!
Q1: What fear food(s) did you conquer this holiday?
Q2: Favorite type of popcorn? I think my answer is pretty clear, haha.
Q3: Anyone braving the hoards at the mall today for some sales? I know I’m not…
4: Don’t forget to enter Chocolate-Covered Katie’s Wild Bar giveaway!
Alright, I’m off for today. Thank you for all of the sweet comments about the photos—I’m still practicing, and it really encouraged me! Have a wonderful day!!!