January 30, 2010
Posted by candice under musings
About twenty minutes ago, I was a complete emotional wreck. Picture a girl, just out of the shower, wrapped tightly in a fluffy, hooded white robe from Bath & Body Works, debating whether or not to channel out the chaos through blogging or computer journaling.
She gets distracted by the realization that her iPod needs recharging. Alas, she must lumber for another two feet to pick up the white cable sprawled out by the wall. She picks up the cable, and then sits back down. She hugs her knees and just suddenly begins to sob. Me.
After about ten minutes or so of that, I remembered the one thing that I had promised myself I would do: pray. I prayed this morning to try to begin the day peacefully. And no, it didn’t work. I hadn’t prayed seriously in about six years. I’d lost the emotional connection with God, such that even if I tried to pray, I wouldn’t be able to feel anything anymore.
Twenty minutes ago, something about that changed. I began modestly, eyes shut, trying to breathe more slowly. I stopped sobbing. I reorganized my thoughts, spilling them out to Him in desultory intervals, like a stream-of-consciousness journal in my head. I clasped my hands together tightly, clamoring in the darkness for that invisible thread that connected me to Him. I kept talking and talking and talking… until suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone.
I talked. And talked and talked. And talked some more, and apologized for my neglect. And wondered how and why He would love and care for a helpless, pathetic, emotionally screwed up girl like me. And answered that question myself.
Even when I felt abandoned and worthless, I had an omnipotent support. Twenty minutes ago, I remembered that I have never been unloved by everyone, contrary to what my teenage mind tells me. I have lost hope and confidence in myself, but God has given me resilience and—possibly—strength.
I want to find my inner peace again.
January 29, 2010
Somehow, I found two containers of the new chocolate Oikos greek yogurt in the refrigerator this morning. Naturally, even though it wasn’t the beloved caramel flavor, I had to try one. Me and greek yogurt are just meant to be.
But you know, it’s an unbalanced relationship. I’m so stupid, so yogurt is always exasperated with me. I have to eat it quickly, before it leaves me…
So, I lacerated the covering and the first thing that popped into my mind was, “Hm, this looks like plain yogurt to me. I guess they didn’t use artificial colors! :D” But alas, when I tasted it, I thought, “Erm, this doesn’t really taste all that chocolatey. Am I missing something?!” And then my spoon hit the bottom of the container. Voilà—I found a magic pile of cocoa powder and chocolate chips just waiting to be mixed with the—yes—plain, yogurt. Oh gosh, what a concept!
Note the dramatic change in color after the proper mixing was done:
The verdict? Eh. I mean, it was tasty enough, but I could’ve just added chocolate chips and dark cocoa powder to plain greek yogurt and gotten the same result. Caramel, on the other hand, is a bit more difficult to recreate. I’ll have to track down that flavor ASAP. ;) And speaking of things to track down, has blood orange season begun already? If so, then I need to get my hands on some of those ASAP. They’re my favorite type of winter citrus. :)
Random breakfast items this week also included a delightfully runny microwaved egg topped with a sprinkling of wakame furikake—
Hello, my half-eaten beauty.
Slices toasted Great Harvest sunflower crunch with melted raw milk cheese were frequent, hearty additions to breakfasts during the week. Why? It’s ‘cause they’re pure. heaven. I’ve been eating this bread every single day since I bought it less than a week ago! I’ve single-handedly consumed about half of my loaf already! It’s just so good, and I’m a total bread + carb-a-holic, so I can’t resist… it calls my name every time I see it sitting on the kitchen counter! P:
Sorry that all of my pics in this post are an ugly yellow tint—I wake up when it’s literally pitch black outside, so I have to resort to unnatural, icky fluorescent lights to shoot my breakfast foods. :| I’ll try to get a proper shot of the melty-cheesy-toasted bread sometime. It’s just too tasty to not be commemorated properly! :]
I have a four-day weekend this week (end of the semester, woo-hoo~), but it’s totally packed. Tomorrow, I’ll be up by 7 AM—“late” for many other bloggers, I know—for a one hour-drive to a classmate’s house to work on our English project for The Canterbury Tales. And I wonder why I go to this school, where everyone lives so far apart. -_- This was one of the rare “creative” assignments our teacher gives, so we’re basically doing a giant collage of two rather sketchy women from the works. Ever since I stopped taking art, I haven’t gotten the chance to partake in a real, artsy-craftsy project, so it’s been a lot of fun. :] I miss just hanging around in art class sometimes…
I stayed after school today to attend a lecture at Carnegie Hall about genomes and sex. It was so much more interesting than the first one I went to, which was basically two old men spewing arcane, monotonous nonsense (to me, at least). I couldn’t help but sleep through practically the entire thing last time (the man’s voice was just so dull), but the biologist this time had an Australian accent, which automatically perked things up a bit. I could also understand what she was talking about, so I only found myself on the brink of dozing off simply because I was drained from the week. I think I did okay on the math midterm today, but it seems that whenever I feel okay about something, it turns out to be the opposite. And vice-versa. School is a vicious mind game for me…
By the way, I packed the best. sandwich. ever. for dinner tonight. I didn’t photograph it, of course, since I won’t risk lugging my precious SLR to school with a bunch of heavy binders and textbooks. It consisted of two thick slices of sunflower crunch, a smear of cilantro-jalapeno hummus from Trader Joe’s on one slice and vanilla-cantaloupe jam on the other, a few shavings of the amazing raw milk cheese, and two slices of deli ham. Chewy, dense, crunchy bread + spicy hummus + sweet, deeply vanilla-flavored jam + rich, aromatic cheese + salty ham = sdfijsofjsdiofj. Yup.
I think I’m going to keep track of the little things from now on. It’ll be fun to look back on this stuff and descry all these little tidbits of life right now. The big things are important, but the details make everything all the more interesting and personal. Plus, things like a schoolwork schedule will hopefully keep my guilty conscious strong when I slack off. :D
Craving of the Day
* Dolsot bibimbap. I’ve been craving it all week…
* Goat milk yogurt
* Sunflower seed butter
* Coconut butter
* Crazy Richard’s creamy peanut butter (Yes, I buy a LOT of nut butter.)
* Toasted black sesame seeds (I go through these things too quickly!)
* Multigrain Puffins (must try)
* Chocolate calcium chews
* Vosges chocolate
Things to Accomplish: 01/29/10
* English group project
* Chemistry midterm studying: chapters 11-12
* Chemistry lab report (finished tonight, 10:40-ish, woot!)
* Biology reading: Chapter 34 (VERTEBRATES! Ugh.)
* Chapter 35 note card
Q1: What’s the BEST sandwich you’ve ever created?
Q2: How do you hide the fact that you are asleep during a lecture?
Q3: Are you a carb-a-holic? Veggie-craver? Carnivore?
Q4: What’s YOUR craving of the day?
Okay, I be going to beddie now. But tonight… not without a prayer. Let me try this again. I need to find a little peace before the busy days commence…
January 25, 2010
Hello all! How has your
Saturday Sunday Monday been going?
… What? I’m posting on a weekday? Without homework nailing me into my chair? I can kneel on the floor and blog?! (Yes, I do!)
Score. :D Sweet freedom comes only once in a blue Pandora, and I’m going to savor it. By blogging, of course. ;)
To start off, I’ll recap some of my Sunday eats. A portion of breakfast was brought to you by my first loaf of Great Harvest bread, the sunflower crunch, which was dense, chewy, and chock-full of nuts and tiny yellow grains…
… and most importantly, circular! I was super excited to go to a real bakery and buy a real, circular loaf of bread. <3 I don’t think I ever want to go back to elongated buttock bread! See the lovely sunflower pattern on the bread, complete with a seed in the center? I’m not really sure what the yellow grains are, but they do help to make it delightfully crunchy. :) I like dense, chewy breads just as much as I love fluffy, soft ones.
I decided to have my second taste of this bread (LOVE the fact that they give such generous samples) with a savory twist:
A simple schmear of butter and shaved raw milk cheese was all this needed to taste great. Sooo much richness from the cheese… and so fun to shave off with a knife! :D Cheese ‘n buttah really do make everything better (I actually typed “butter”…). I would include bacon in that statement, except it failed here.
Lunch included a lovely jewel yam from Whole Foods from waaaay back when. Apparently, sweet potatoes last a long time, and I’m grateful for that, because this was divine. Ah, nothing like a roasted sweet potato. Not as sinfully delicious as my precious Japanese sweet potatoes, but it was tasty in its own lovely, orange right!
Savory was the name of the game on Sunday. After roasting in the oven at 375* for a little more than an hour till it was hot and caramelized, I topped it with more shavings of raw milk cheese, crushed, addicting edamame crackers from Trader Joe’s, and pepita dust. Mmmm… creamy and luscious from the sweet potato and the cheese that melted on it… made just salty enough by the pepita dust and crackers. <3
Speaking of pepita dust, Oster’s customer service told me that a new blender should be arriving in two to three weeks. Pray that this one won’t be as flimsy and break down after the first go…
Except for the beginning (I woke up ten minutes before I was supposed to leave), today was fairly relaxing for me, which was much appreciated after the everyday-sucks routine of last week. I basically did nothing except take a test, which I do not think I did well on. Invertebrates are hell, I say… the fact that I didn’t remember that crustaceans have two pairs of antennae killed me doubly. Ugh. -_- Not a good start to the new semester, but you know what? I’m not going to let this bring me down. This cannot nullify the joy of freedom that I’ve felt all day! Laughing, drawing funny pictures, listening to music, snacking on junky Snyder’s honey mustard pretzels (damn. addicting.)… can’t be beat :D One test failed? I can make it up with like, twenty more! :)
Q1: What texture do you like in a bread? Dense and chewy or fluffy are both fine with me, but I dislike “hard” breads that are hard to bite. :/
Q2: Sweet or savory?
Have a lovely evening, ladies! I wish you all a week filled with joy and relaxation :)
January 24, 2010
Posted by candice under adventures
| Tags: almond milk
, nut butter
, sweet potato
Hello everyone! I’m still alive here after my Week-from-Hell #2. Done with three midterms, two tests, and three quizzes—score. I only have 1 midterm next week and another the week after, and then it’s back to the regular testing routines. … Hurray?! :) (:
My brain has been fried for about two weeks now, and my short-term memory has basically shut down entirely (past cramming biology into my head). I actually had to think for awhile before I could remember what I wanted to recap for this post. -_-;
Breakfast on a date that has been shoved out of my brain was this lovely bowl of cereal with my first pouring of original Pacific almond milk.
It was eh. I forgot to buy the unsweetened kind (if there is such thing), so this tasted really watery and well, unpleasantly sweet. :/ I think I’ll just stick with Almond Breeze from here on out.
This is a lunch prepped on another random day was a random mixture of leftovers that I was trying to use up. This had leftover spicy tofu, shredded Mexican cheese from TJ’s, and leftover salad. Obligatory toasted sesame seeds and wakame-rice ball furikake are obligatory.
Annnd another date stuffed with grainy peanut butter and sea salt.
As for this, there is only one lonely square of this milk chocolate bacon bar left now…
It wasn’t as good as I expected. The bacon bit-chocolate flavors don’t really meld together—when I eat it, I just taste bacon, salt, and then chocolate. Muuuch prefer the goji bar. You can never go wrong with a pink bar of chocolate. :)
On Friday afternoon after school, I went to a Great Harvest Bread Co. bakery for the first time. I had actually wanted to go last week, but it closes pretty early (around 5-ish), so we were too late. :( This week, we arrived ten minutes from closing time, in which I tried three different types of bread and bought two of ‘em. I call it my “reward” for getting out of this week alive. :) I’ll save that for another post, though, since this one’s picture-heavy enough as it is! It was really exciting though, since I’ve never bought “real” bread from a bakery before.
The weekly Friday night dinner out was at Bazin’s on Church, which had (mostly) rave reviews on Yelp!. Though it was a little noisy—it’s a small place, and the bar was just a few feet away from us—the food was très delicieux. :) I think this was one of the only three-course meals I’ve ever had?!
I loved the decor. I felt so warm inside! :)
The location was pretty awesome, too, with lots of big windows and pretty holiday lights. Even if the candles were fake. ;)
The feast began with a bit of warm bread and butter and the butternut squash agnolotti, which was basically butternut squash ravioli with sage sauce and crumbled amaretti cookies. It reminded me of the first meal out I photographed (and wrote about), pumpkin ravioli. Creamy, buttery outside with a surprisingly sweet, fluffy filling. “Special,” said my father. :) But, um, where are the cookie crumbs?
Maybe they drowned in the sauce.
For my main course, I made a historic decision in the course of eating out [in my life]—I ordered red meat for the first time!!! I usually go for seafood, salads, or carbalicious dishes, but I’ve never ordered red meat at a restaurant before (not a DE thing—I was like this before all that jazz, too). I’m not much of a steak person, and I find BBQ ribs annoyingly messy—you could say I’m picky with red meat. But this… this was amazing.
The toughness of red meat is the one thing that puts me off about it, so I was surprised and excited by the super, melt-in-your-mouth tenderness of this. I guess there’s a reason it’s called tender pecan pork? The pecans added a whole other dimension to the meat with their prevailing, deeply toasted and nutty flavor, and the vanilla sweet potatoes had a real, pronounced vanilla flavor, and they weren’t cloyingly sweet, thank goodness. :) Perfectly balanced out the umami of the meat. The roasted baby spinach was a bit too salty, but I loved the roastyness that roasted foods have (oh yeah, I’m specific), and the fact that it wasn’t a complete pile of mush. And, as much as I was excited for it, the bourbon-bacon sauce was just average. Is bourbon sour? The sauce certainly was…
For a little sweetness to end the meal, my sis picked a key lime pie with coconut-macaroon crust and chantilly cream for the three of us to share:
The coconut-macaroon crust was amazing, even though I’ve never had a macaroon in my life. Totally stuffed with coconut, and huge shreds of it at that. The pie itself, on the other hand, was not nearly as sour as the ones I ate by the busload in Florida. In fact, it was a bit too sweet. I needed periodic dips into the fluffy and perfectly sweet chantilly cream to cleanse my palate. ;)
I was originally planning to post all of this on Friday night, but spontaneously made the decision to see Avatar. It was a 9:40 PM showing, and being the wonderful three hours that it is, ended at 12:30-ish… thus, I got home around 1:15 the next morning. o_o Being the goody-goody that I am, I’ve never stayed out that late before. I beat my record by more than an hour… whew.
But OMG… it was completely worth it. To see this?
original image from here
Heck yes. I loved, loved, loved this movie. The fantasy world totally drew me in with the lush CGI and brilliantly imagined flora and fauna. The whole thing was just explosive with its color and life—immersive and completely believable once you’re drawn in. I mean, bioluminescent organisms?! All of them?! Synapses and exposed nerve endings?! <3 This was a feast for the eyes (and the mind!) and a thousand times better than Twilight. I think I’m going to become an Avatar geek or something. Gosh, I’d kill to see this in IMAX 3D!
Q1: What do you look for in a restaurant setting? I like quiet restaurants… can’t stand bars :/ (But I’d go back to Bazin’s on Church for the food!!!)
Q2: What do you usually order at restaurants?
Q3: What’s the latest you’ve stayed out?
Q4: Have you watched Avatar? Do you love it?! If not, what’s your favorite movie genre? I normally dislike sci-fi, but this was a whole different story, obviously. ;)
Alright, I’m out. :D Have a happy week, everybody! Yay food! And, for Avatar, yay nature and phosphorescent organisms. :)
January 20, 2010
Posted by candice under random
| Tags: cherimoya
sweet and pure,
though easily bruised.
~ * ~
I’m feeling pretty terrible right now. Just suddenly, I yelled at my mom for something completely insignificant… and I apologized seconds afterwards because there was no reason why I should have done that. It just happened. I need to learn stress-combative techniques fast, or else my temperament will be completely on the edge for the next two weeks.
I’ll try to catch up on reading + commenting + picture-uploading this weekend. By the way, the beautiful heart-shaped fruit shown above is the cherimoya. It’s delicious, and super fun to eat! The flesh is very sweet—there are many better descriptions out there, but all I can say is that it reminds me of a [virgin ;)] piña colada. I urge anyone who hasn’t tried one to track one down ASAP~ :)
Have a great rest of the week!
January 18, 2010
Posted by candice under adventures
| Tags: banana
, nut butter
I’m taking a break from finishing my lab report to blog because I seriously feel like I’m going to punch a squirrel right now. Microsoft Word is being totally uncooperative and just… just… stupid.
Shapes can go die. Online graphs without Excel can go die. Oh, and parts of a .pdf pasted in Word that make it run ridiculously slow will die. now.
*deep breath* Okay, I feel slightly better now. Urgh, doesn’t technology just piss you off sometimes? :(
As to why I’m doing this at almost 12 PM on a Sunday night preceding a holiday… You see, it was part of the ultimate plan. I failed to get it done during the day, so I had to work to meet my “deadline,” and that incidentally meant staying up until this hour. I have a whole ‘nother list of things I need to get done tomorrow and I really don’t want too much of “today’s” task mixing with “tomorrow’s” (aka the “something will explode if this doesn’t get done” stuff).
Today’s tasks also included photo uploading. For me, this is by far the most time-consuming aspect of blogging. Copying the photos to the computer, resizing and reformatting as a PNG to preserve quality, deleting the old huge files… * 100. How many photos do you take in a day, on average? I gravitate towards perfectionism, so I’m always trying to shoot the “perfect” angle for a food… and somehow, I end up with like, thirty different photos of the same thing. Go figure.
Breakfast yesterday was something I’ve been missing due to the cold weather: a yogurt mess!
With the best canned pumpkin ever. This has so much more flavor than Libby’s and actually tastes like real pumpkin!
It’s topped with Trader Joe’s country pumpkin spice granola, which I first set my eyes on on Allie’s blog. It’s awesome. :) I can’t resist picking out the pieces of popcorn!
Of course, studying wasn’t the only thing I did today! Lunch out was a blessing, honestly. My mom had company over and, well, having a valid excuse to be out of the house saved me from being bombarded with those adult-to-child questions: “What school do you go to?” “Have you grown taller?” “How old are you?” “Do you speak Chinese?” etc… it becomes quite tiring after you’ve answered the same question five times to five “curious” adults. Needless to say, I was more than eager to get out…
This was so much better than Wegman’s party food.
We went to an amazingly cute restaurant called Magnolias at the Mill today. It is, as the name implies, a mill-turned-restaurant. There’s a big plaque about the history of the mill (built in 1905!) just outside the entrance. It was quite an interesting read—even my insouciant dad was impressed. :)
Lots of rustic charm, as you can see. :) I believe the upstairs was reserved for dinner, but I wish we could’ve gone up there…
I ordered the Thai-inspired steamed mussels with lime & sesame scented jasmine rice, snow peas, and green curry coconut sauce. This was my first time ordering mussels—er, well, any kind of mollusk, at a restaurant! It did not disappoint, even though there were less snow peas than I would have preferred. The curry-coconut sauce was a bit salty, but it was perfect for sopping up with with the sticky, fragrant jasmine rice. I ended up giving about four of the mussels to my dad since he liked them so much, and given how rarely he says he likes something, I just had to. :) I got a bit of his dish in exchange, the mahi-mahi with lemon-parsley orzo and sautéed watercress. With some blackberry-based sauce, I believe?
Besides being absolutely gorgeously presented, it was super delish. I normally dislike mahi-mahi because it tends to be served tough and dry, but this was an exception! Very succulent and well-seasoned. :)
I had an “eating race” with my dad. Okay, the thing is, my dad eats very, very slooooowly. His style of chewing is comparable to a camel’s (minus the spitting) and apparently, mine is more like a rabbit’s or a squirrel’s. … Okay, that’s fine with me, but not when I’m eating with him! I literally finish twenty minutes before he does, and it’s not that fun just sitting around, trying to converse (and conversing just draws it out longer…). So I’ve decided to learn how to chew slowly like a camel so I can pace myself and not end up waiting for him to finish. I’ll let you know how that goes… xD
My sister ate an entire (kid’s) cheese pizza, but she was still hungry… so she ordered some dessert that she kindly shared with us. :) I love how innate children’s senses are, especially with food—they eat when they’re hungry, stop when they aren’t, and they aren’t afraid to treat themselves to delicious, fancy-sounding desserts!
This is the rustic apple-blackberry pie with cinnamon crème anglais, blackberry sauce, and vanilla ice cream~
Wholesome and delicious. The crème anglais was amazing, and I loved the huge chunks of apple and berry in the puff pastry, which, by the way, was fluffy and just light enough to balance out the rich ice cream and crème anglais.
I was lazy about dinner, so I just looked around for some fridge leftovers, mixed ‘em up, and voilà. Asian again, Tat. ;) There’s white rice, broccoli, and mushrooms down there underneath the huge mound of tofu and furikake…
PLUS a very muddy-looking after-dinner treat. For once, I was craving chocolate?! This was the last of my plain yogurt with canned pumpkin, Hershey’s dark cocoa powder, cinnamon, Trader Joe’s kettle corn, and maple syrup.
Post-mix and with trail mix and honey-roasted peanuts (both were party food leftovers). I was a little scared that it would look like poop, but it doesn’t look THAT bad, does it?
And a divine Medjool date with crunchy PB:
Oh, I’ve missed crunchy PB. <3
Last, but not least, I have a gift for Chocolate-Covered Katie and her awesome giveaway. ;) Here’s a real, whole banana hammock—no deconstruction involved!
On the left, we have a slice with a sprinkling of grain-sweetened chocolate chips. The contender on the right is topped with cinnamon, kettle corn, pumpkin spice granola, and dried guava slices. ‘Twas de-li-cious. ;)
Q1: When does technology make you angry?
Q2: Your favorite dessert? x)
Have a lovely evening… errr, morning, m’ladies!
EDIT: Did anyone notice the “12 PM on a Sunday night”?! That’s what I get for staying up late… xD
January 15, 2010
Hi, all. I’ve missed posting and commenting on your blogs—school, as usual, is the culprit. :( Let’s just say this is my fourth day running on three hours of sleep, and I have been a-failin’ on tests and quizzes. I wouldn’t be surprised if I dropped any entire letter grade in three of my classes just from this week… and not surprisingly, this is only the beginning. This weekend is going to be hell with the amount of studying and preparation I have to do for next week, lest I die again like I did this week. Right now, I have an ultimate plan saved on my computer for tomorrow, aka every freaking thing I must accomplish. My heart probably hates me right now with all the worrying and frantic bouts of “must get this done NOW” that I’ve been experiencing. Not looking forward to those blood pressure increases, nuh-uh. -_-
Aughhh, and I promised myself I would try not to worry about grades too much?!?! :( … Pffft, as if. I’m going to worry about my grades until the day that they leave my life. Oh, what a happy day that will be!…
Oh, and I’ve been writing this post in chunks at like, 5 AM when I wake up (the only free time I have), so please excuse any sleep deprivation-induced grammar mistakes or just stupid rambling in general… though tonight, a Friday night, I’ve decided to relax for once. Actually, it’s because I tried to finish some of my homework and it didn’t work. Like, at all. I guess sleep deprivation does that to you? Well, my friends keep telling me that I need to relax, relax, relax, so I’ve decided to be a good girl and take their advice for once. I’m planning to go to bed early tonight, too, so I can be refreshed and pumped-UP for tomorrow! Yah! Jiayou!
Again, I’m really sorry about the lack of blog-reading-and-commenting. It’s just too distracting at this point, but once this bout of hell is over, I’ll be back to normal until finals, hopefully! :)
Anyway, here’s something other than work that I’ve been drowning in lately:
CHINESE FOOD! This is soup and mixed white rice with roasted eggplant, lettuce, and pork. Topped with black sesame seeds, per usual. :)
I’ve been drinking my weight in soup for the past few days because it has been so. damn. cold. for my standards, at least (and that means below freezing). I made myself a delicious, umami-rich rice soup with leftovers on Sunday. (Eeeek, I’m behind…)
Mmmm. This was black chicken broth with white rice, mushrooms, roasted eggplant, seaweed, and pork, topped with black sesame seeds and wakame-rice ball furikake in place of salt. ;) The seaweed (kombu, I believe) came from this grocery haul over the weekend. I’m not sure what type of mushrooms these were exactly, but they are freaking juicy and absolutely delicious. They taste pretty killer with steamed chicken. :) Oh, and the more I think about it, the more I wish I cracked an egg into the sizzling hot soup. It would’ve been so cool to see the egg just cookin’ away in there, mixed with the delicious broth! :)
Oh, and I finally finished the last of my Vosges Haut Chocolate Goji Bar from way back when, although this picture was taken about a week ago when the majority of it still existed. It’s long gone now…
See the little fleck of goji in there? The addition of the salt was pretty awesome, even though I couldn’t see it. I think I’m going to start collecting the boxes. :)
Dinner was at Ruby Tuesday tonight, chosen by my sister. Alright, so here’s to the good, old-fashioned, American chain restaurant food of my childhood! Not.
I was surprisingly nervous while I ate my meal of the veggie burger mini + garden salad bar combo. I found myself questioning my fullness more often than usual, and more unnecessarily than usual. The thought of calories even entered my mind. And the longer I sat there, consumed by these thoughts, I began to question why exactly I was being this way. Why was I suddenly, once again, worried about such frivolous things? Why couldn’t I enjoy my meal here as I did in other restaurants (not to say the meal was particularly amazing, hence the lack of photography)?
Psychologically, I associate restaurants like Ruby Tuesday and T.G.I. Friday’s with fat fat fat. I used to gorge myself on cheese fries, deep fried macaroni & cheese, hot dogs, fish, etc. in these restaurants. After I acquired DE thoughts, I feared these restaurants the most, because I believed that the greasy, disgusting foods there were the root of my woes and “fatness.” I avoided these places like the plague. And once I returned for the first time in a long while, that fear crept back. I was nervous about stuffing myself until I couldn’t move anymore again. I was afraid that I would gain ten pounds overnight and become “fat” again.
In reality, when I look back on it, I was a chubby kid, but I definitely wasn’t overweight or obese. The chub factor was probably due mostly to baby fat, anyway! Of course, the way I used to eat (overstuffing myself on fried, nutrient-less foods) wasn’t healthy in the least, but I don’t do that anymore. I have learned how to listen to my body, maybe eat a little more if the food’s really that good, or eat a little less if I feel sick. Overstuffing myself on a regular basis just will not happen. That’s what I need to remember.
Q: Your thoughts/experiences on this or a similar situation? What is something you have a negative psychological association with?
Phew, another few paragraphs of rambling. :| I really missed the venting aspect of blogging, I guess? My eyelids are starting to droop, so I think I’ll call it a night.
Good night all! I may or may not return with pictures of a grocery haul tomorrow… either way, I love you guys :)
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