Good evening, loves!

Breakfast today was a Trader Joe’s cinnamon crumpet with butter and a German brand of raspberry honey.  I looove these crumpets—they’re absolutely divine toasted.  Crunchy on the edges and perfectly soft and warm on the inside.

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I’ve definitely used this honey before, as you can probably tell from the more-than-half-empty jar (less-than-half-full if you look at it the other way), but I never bothered to photograph it.  It seems like I’m photographing everything now, though.  o_o  Anyway, I adore the creaminess of this honey—it’s crystallized, but the crystals are minute, so it’s more like creamed honey.  Great with any kind of bread and butter.  :]

We hosted a party today (way to make it last minute, right?), and from 1 PM onward, people were just continuously coming and going, coming and going.  A bunch of pre-prepped party foods were spread out:

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These are blistered peanuts—the BEST kind of peanuts.  SUPER crunchy, super delish.

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In other words, besides breakfast, my entire day was spent snacking and munching.  That is something that I would’ve never allowed myself to do just one year ago.  Instead, I would’ve been freaking out about the lack of “real” food and scared to munch on the “unhealthy” snacks.  I would’ve been afraid to eat anything for fear of accidentally eating more calories than I was used to throughout the course of the day that would not happen if I had just eaten a normal lunch and snack.  Fear, fear, fear.  Worry, worry, worry.  For what?

My worries were, predictably, always changing depending on the situation.  On break or on the weekends, I would worry about food, calories, my weight, my appearance, etc.  I would worry about overeating due to boredom or gaining the dreaded “vacation weight” that I had heard so many stories about.  “Yeah, I gained ten pounds on this cruise…” “I gained fifteen pounds in China”—blah blah blah.  DE was screaming, You should NEVER go on a cruise, lest you come back even uglier than you were before!  Never again will you go back to China!  Those Chinese girls can eat a lot, but that’s because they’re already skinnier than you, and their metabolisms are sooo much faster than yours, yadda yadda yadda, BS like that, which fortunately, I am able to say STFU to now.

Yet, when I am at school and stressed-out, my focus takes a complete 180* from food –> work.  I actually find myself thinking that I wouldn’t mind being “ugly” or “fat” if it meant that I was super-smart and could breeze my way through the mountainload of work at my fingertips and ace all my tests.  I keep wondering, whose voice is this? DE’s?  Mine?  Either way, it’s screwed up.

But in the end, I realize that it doesn’t matter. We are who we are.  Whether we love or hate ourselves depends on our perspective.  I can’t morph myself into a model or a genius, but I can change the way I view myself.  The phrase “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is so true, though I don’t think I’ll ever consider myself as beautiful as a model or as smart as a genius (hello, modesty?).  I want to just look in the mirror and see me, a normal girl.  I want to feel like a normal girl.  I want to be a normal girl again.

2010 Goal #2: Be, and see, a normal girl again in the mirror.

… Annnd once again, I apologize for the wall of text.  o_o  I can’t seem to stop rambling once I start!

Before I go, I’ll dish out seven random facts about me for my very first blog(ger?) award from Amanda of . seek . and Tara of Grab a Mug and Go!.  :)  Thank you!

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1. My favorite genre of music is Japanese pop (but not the cutesy stuff, nor boy bands—ick).  I made my dad buy bought my first Jpop CD online when I was eleven, and I haven’t been keeping up with popular American music since.  Since then, I’ve branched out into some Korean and Taiwanese pop as well, but none can ever replace my precious Jpop… <3

2. I’m stealing Tat’s for this one—I used to be an overeater! I would literally stuff myself to the point where I physically could not eat anymore at every meal.  Not surprisingly, I was a little chubby when I was young, though I’m surprised I wasn’t overweight with all the Kraft instant mac&cheese, hot dogs, and Texas Toast I was eating.  O_o

3. I didn’t know what Hitler did until seventh grade.  Lived under a rock?  Why yes, I did…

4. When I was six years old, I began to type my own short stories about Pokémon (chicken-finger style typing, I mean).  I was so proud of myself!  :D  I wrote 43 stories from second to third grade and read them to my parents and grandparents.  They’re still in a folder on my current laptop—I’m very careful not to delete them!  It’s also pretty hilarious to read them now.  :)

5. I actively try to improve my Mandarin Chinese skills.  Technically, it was my first language, but although I can carry conversations with my dad’s colleagues (who all say my Chinese is good…), I am nowhere near fluent.  Plus, my reading/writing skills are terrible.

6. Math is my worst subject, but I go to a [nerd] school that’s focused on math and science.  WTF?  I guess I’m not terrible at it, but it’s my weakest subject relatively speaking…

7. When I was little, I would eat Jif peanut butter by the spoonful and my mom would scold me for it.  I loved it so much that I was willing to wash my own spoon so I could take another scoop… early signs of a food blogger?  ;)

Q1: What’s your favorite party food? Cheese-salami cracker sandwiches are pretty tasty.  :]
Q2: How do you handle your eating at a party?
Q3: What other languages do you speak?

I hope you all have a wonderful evening.  Rethink your worries, even just a little, and please smile when you see your reflection!  :]