Good evening, loves!
Breakfast today was a Trader Joe’s cinnamon crumpet with butter and a German brand of raspberry honey. I looove these crumpets—they’re absolutely divine toasted. Crunchy on the edges and perfectly soft and warm on the inside.
I’ve definitely used this honey before, as you can probably tell from the more-than-half-empty jar (less-than-half-full if you look at it the other way), but I never bothered to photograph it. It seems like I’m photographing everything now, though. o_o Anyway, I adore the creaminess of this honey—it’s crystallized, but the crystals are minute, so it’s more like creamed honey. Great with any kind of bread and butter. :]
We hosted a party today (way to make it last minute, right?), and from 1 PM onward, people were just continuously coming and going, coming and going. A bunch of pre-prepped party foods were spread out:
In other words, besides breakfast, my entire day was spent snacking and munching. That is something that I would’ve never allowed myself to do just one year ago. Instead, I would’ve been freaking out about the lack of “real” food and scared to munch on the “unhealthy” snacks. I would’ve been afraid to eat anything for fear of accidentally eating more calories than I was used to throughout the course of the day that would not happen if I had just eaten a normal lunch and snack. Fear, fear, fear. Worry, worry, worry. For what?
My worries were, predictably, always changing depending on the situation. On break or on the weekends, I would worry about food, calories, my weight, my appearance, etc. I would worry about overeating due to boredom or gaining the dreaded “vacation weight” that I had heard so many stories about. “Yeah, I gained ten pounds on this cruise…” “I gained fifteen pounds in China”—blah blah blah. DE was screaming, You should NEVER go on a cruise, lest you come back even uglier than you were before! Never again will you go back to China! Those Chinese girls can eat a lot, but that’s because they’re already skinnier than you, and their metabolisms are sooo much faster than yours, yadda yadda yadda, BS like that, which fortunately, I am able to say STFU to now.
Yet, when I am at school and stressed-out, my focus takes a complete 180* from food –> work. I actually find myself thinking that I wouldn’t mind being “ugly” or “fat” if it meant that I was super-smart and could breeze my way through the mountainload of work at my fingertips and ace all my tests. I keep wondering, whose voice is this? DE’s? Mine? Either way, it’s screwed up.
But in the end, I realize that it doesn’t matter. We are who we are. Whether we love or hate ourselves depends on our perspective. I can’t morph myself into a model or a genius, but I can change the way I view myself. The phrase “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is so true, though I don’t think I’ll ever consider myself as beautiful as a model or as smart as a genius (hello, modesty?). I want to just look in the mirror and see me, a normal girl. I want to feel like a normal girl. I want to be a normal girl again.
2010 Goal #2: Be, and see, a normal girl again in the mirror.
… Annnd once again, I apologize for the wall of text. o_o I can’t seem to stop rambling once I start!
1. My favorite genre of music is Japanese pop (but not the cutesy stuff, nor boy bands—ick). I made my dad buy bought my first Jpop CD online when I was eleven, and I haven’t been keeping up with popular American music since. Since then, I’ve branched out into some Korean and Taiwanese pop as well, but none can ever replace my precious Jpop… <3
2. I’m stealing Tat’s for this one—I used to be an overeater! I would literally stuff myself to the point where I physically could not eat anymore at every meal. Not surprisingly, I was a little chubby when I was young, though I’m surprised I wasn’t overweight with all the Kraft instant mac&cheese, hot dogs, and Texas Toast I was eating. O_o
3. I didn’t know what Hitler did until seventh grade. Lived under a rock? Why yes, I did…
4. When I was six years old, I began to type my own short stories about Pokémon (chicken-finger style typing, I mean). I was so proud of myself! :D I wrote 43 stories from second to third grade and read them to my parents and grandparents. They’re still in a folder on my current laptop—I’m very careful not to delete them! It’s also pretty hilarious to read them now. :)
5. I actively try to improve my Mandarin Chinese skills. Technically, it was my first language, but although I can carry conversations with my dad’s colleagues (who all say my Chinese is good…), I am nowhere near fluent. Plus, my reading/writing skills are terrible.
6. Math is my worst subject, but I go to a [nerd] school that’s focused on math and science. WTF? I guess I’m not terrible at it, but it’s my weakest subject relatively speaking…
7. When I was little, I would eat Jif peanut butter by the spoonful and my mom would scold me for it. I loved it so much that I was willing to wash my own spoon so I could take another scoop… early signs of a food blogger? ;)
Q1: What’s your favorite party food? Cheese-salami cracker sandwiches are pretty tasty. :]
Q2: How do you handle your eating at a party?
Q3: What other languages do you speak?
I hope you all have a wonderful evening. Rethink your worries, even just a little, and please smile when you see your reflection! :]